Sometimes we can't exactly put our finger on it, but it can feel like something is 'off' in our relationship. We aren't fighting with our partner, things seem to be okay, but that deeper feeling of connection just doesn't seem to be there. Maybe you still desire sex but its not mind-blowing, or maybe your desire as disappeared altogether. 

We spoke to Sexologist (and our founder) Laura Miano about what to do when you feel in a rut. Laura shared "when you feel stuck in your relationship, there are so many factors that could be influencing this. One place I like to start is by asking my clients if their partner makes them feel desired. Not just sexually, but emotionally and intellectually. Does their partner make them feel like a desirable person inside and out?" 

She explained that this is often present in mix-matched desire relationships, especially for the lower desire partner. They often don't feel desired by their partner! 

In collaboration with Miano Clinical Sexology, Laura's evidence-based sex therapy practice, we put a list together of questions you can ask yourself to help you reflect on how your partner makes you feel desired. 

Ask yourself - 

1. Do they know what is important to me?

2. Are they attentive when I talk, making me feel heard and important?

3. Do they express their feelings openly, and do I feel like they desire me emotionally or physically through their words and actions?

4. Do they initiate contact or physical touch with me?

5. Do I leave our time together feeling more connected, wanted, and appreciated, or do I feel distant and unimportant?

6. Do they show affection through physical touch, like hugs, kisses, or other intimate gestures that make me feel wanted?

7. Do I feel comfortable talking about my sexual desires with them and vice versa?

8. Do they verbally affirm me and tell me why they are sexually attracted to me?

Laura suggests that if the answer to these questions reveal something missing in your relationship, bring it up to your partner. They can't change if they aren't aware of what you are feeling. If deeper connection and feeling desired is what you want, it starts with allowing them to desire all of you, which they can only do if those sides are revealed to them.